"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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