It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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