He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize