Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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