walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
dude. I can hear the air.
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