I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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