ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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