I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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