Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
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For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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