this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
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there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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