I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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