Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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