don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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