No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
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As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
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He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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