put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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