You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize