I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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