Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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