The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize