I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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