you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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