hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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