So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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