I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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