go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize