Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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