Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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