I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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