Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
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All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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