i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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