just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have feelings for this penis?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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