I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize