matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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