omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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