jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize