Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
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What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
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BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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