Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize