She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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