so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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