What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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