allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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