I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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