I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize