Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
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she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
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She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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