Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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