I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize