She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
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Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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