I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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