Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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