Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize